Death Smiles At Us All

Today was by far the scariest day of my life. I was at our family produce stand, and this older lady dropped. No pulse, no breathing, what do you do? CPR. I stood there for a few minutes going over the moves in my head. First this, then this...over and over, until finally...the guts to actually do something.  CPR is hard. It takes everything out of you...its scary. I was down on the ground for 15 minutes. FINALLY the ambulance arrived - but to no avail. They said before they put her in the back of the ambulance that she was not making it. 94 years old. I wonder what all she has seen in her life. Some of WWI...all of WWII.  Martin Luther King, the Great Depression. Wow. So many things she witnessed in her lifetime. Its amazing to really think about. And its what I try to think about...

Here's what I'm really thinking: trying so hard to save someone, and I failed. Not just got-a-bad-grade-on-a-test failed...someone lost their LIFE failed. How do you deal with that? I've never watched someone die. Right there in front of you. And you were the one everyone was looking to fix it, solve the problem. I'm kind of ashamed.

I know I shouldn't be. It was just her time - God was ready for her. But why put me there? What was the reasoning for that?

From Noah to Allie, From Me to You

I couldnt sleep last nite because I know it's over between us. I'm not
bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. And if in some distant
place in the future we see each other in our new lives I will smile at you
with joy and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees learning from
each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the
soul and makes us reach for more and that plants a fire in our hearts and
brings peace to our minds and that's what you've given me and that's what
I'd hope to give to you forever. I love you; I'll be seeing you.